College is scary. Applying to college is scary.
I'm in my senior year, excited and thinking "This is going to be the best year ever! I'm totally going to win this year! This year will be awesome!" No.
They lied to me. School is stressful, applying for college is stressful, life is stressful. People change (sometimes what feels like not for the better) and surprise you. Disappointment rolls in regularly if not more often. I'm finding fewer and fewer reasons to miss high school everyday. It even feels like the Duchesne I knew and loved is being taken from me.
One thing that always happens, that always surprises me, that always frightens me is change. To watch change is like watching something die and letting something new and unsettling pop out.
I'm not happy about many things right now. It all confuses me. A few minutes before Anatomy ended, I left class and sat in a bathroom stall, trying to sort out my emotions. It was useless though. I'd need at least five days of silence and a never emptying- cup of tea for that.
I'm feeling so many things, most of them variations or fear and worry. I don't want things to change the way they're changing, but there's not much I can do.
I don't feel like doing much lately, anyway.
