Mongolian Sweetheart says no one will want to marry her. There are several issues with this statement:
1. She is the most marriable person I know.
2. If Mongo never has children, the world will be deprived of the most awesome future mother ever.
3. I already have key parts of the wedding planned.
Starting from engagement to actual wedding, I have a few things that need to be made clear. The groom will ask for my blessing first. He will automatically know to do this, because I will be pre-screening all of her potential dating options. Whoever is most suitable at the time will first have an interview with me. If I find them unacceptable, undeserving of her, or just plain creepy, they will not have the opportunity to date her. After the select few pass my first test, they will have to talk to Mongo's father. He will pick at most two after his interview with the potential dating options. After the father's two are selected, the other family members will pick the PDC based on how helpful, respectful, charming, and interesting he is. Whoever is picked has just now been selected to take Mongolian Sweetheart on a first date!
The date will monitored by either I or her father, depending on who is available and less suspicious. If there is any kissing, awkward touching, or inappropriateness he will no longer be a candidate and the process will start over. However, if he makes it through the first date he will officially be the boyfriend.
The date must have the following items:
1. Flowers for the mother
2. Firm hand shake for the father
3. High-five to younger siblings
4. A compliment on Mongo's outfit
5. Dinner
6. Hand holding and a hug if he smells nice
So now, let's say they've been dating a while. Anniversary presents on time, never forgets her birthday, etc. He decides he would like to marry her. Hooray!
But hold up, buddy. We're not done yet!
Though he has made it this long, he's still got to proper about this. First things first, he asks for my blessing. If I find out a week or even two seconds later that he didn't ask me first, there is a problem. He then asks for the blessing of her parents. Now, here comes the fun part!
When he proposes they are going to be alone. Alone in the sense that there will be a spy camera in his collar, and all of Mongo's family and friends will be watching from a website that I make that streams the video live and and then saves it for a later date.
The PDC has now become a MC, or marriage candidate. I've decided to leave them alone for marriage preparation, but come time for the wedding, I'm coming back!
To be continued!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
#8 Terry Pratchett earns a WIN Award!
WIN- Witty Ingenious Narwhal
Welcome to the first ever WIN ceremony! We give out this award every week to one outstanding individual, we feel has been too awesome for a simple knuckle-touch or high-five.
Sir Terence David Pratchett, a novelist and chuckle-causer, has won this award for audacious wit, surprising wisdom, and winning me over with literary charm.
May his horn forever glow bright
In the ocean's darkest night.
Now and forever, a brother in fin.
From here on forth, you are a WIN.
Every post shall now end with a Terry Pratchett quote. Meeting adjourned.
“There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?
And at the other end of the bar the world is full of the other type of person, who has a broken glass, or a glass that has been carelessly knocked over (usually by one of the people calling for a larger glass) or who had no glass at all, because he was at the back of the crowd and had failed to catch the barman's eye. ” -Terry Pratchett
Welcome to the first ever WIN ceremony! We give out this award every week to one outstanding individual, we feel has been too awesome for a simple knuckle-touch or high-five.
Sir Terence David Pratchett, a novelist and chuckle-causer, has won this award for audacious wit, surprising wisdom, and winning me over with literary charm.
May his horn forever glow bright
In the ocean's darkest night.
Now and forever, a brother in fin.
From here on forth, you are a WIN.
Every post shall now end with a Terry Pratchett quote. Meeting adjourned.
“There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass! Who's been pinching my beer?
And at the other end of the bar the world is full of the other type of person, who has a broken glass, or a glass that has been carelessly knocked over (usually by one of the people calling for a larger glass) or who had no glass at all, because he was at the back of the crowd and had failed to catch the barman's eye. ” -Terry Pratchett
#7 My Week was a Little Weak
My week has been slightly Monday-ish, but Murrbeth had a birthday so that brought everything up. She is now the proud owner of a pillow plate. Confused?
Definition: an object that allows you to lay your head comfortably on any surface while keeping your pillow clean. Sometimes used as a Catholic schoolgirl Weasley Sweater.
So there you have it folks. The proud innovation of SWB was born out of procrastination and the obligation/pleasure of getting a friend a birthday present.
Speaking of procrastination, I'd like to give a shout out to "More Glitter Please" for her post of Procrastinators Unite. United, we strategically ignore what we really, really need to get done.
Divided, we begrudgingly act as contributing members of society.
I should probably divide soon, so I can write my Canterbury Tales essay.
Good luck, fellow Procrastinators!
Definition: an object that allows you to lay your head comfortably on any surface while keeping your pillow clean. Sometimes used as a Catholic schoolgirl Weasley Sweater.
So there you have it folks. The proud innovation of SWB was born out of procrastination and the obligation/pleasure of getting a friend a birthday present.
Speaking of procrastination, I'd like to give a shout out to "More Glitter Please" for her post of Procrastinators Unite. United, we strategically ignore what we really, really need to get done.
Divided, we begrudgingly act as contributing members of society.
I should probably divide soon, so I can write my Canterbury Tales essay.
Good luck, fellow Procrastinators!
#6 Ode to Bacon
Bacon. I know shouldn't. But I do.
Oh, bacon. You know how much I love you.
Together you ride free with the eggs in my mouth.
You've taught me what living truly is about.
Bacon makes my taste buds dance and sing
Of meat foods, it is the freaking king.
My friends may refuse, and may call you smelly,
But you will always have a place inside of my belly.
Oh, bacon. You know how much I love you.
Together you ride free with the eggs in my mouth.
You've taught me what living truly is about.
Bacon makes my taste buds dance and sing
Of meat foods, it is the freaking king.
My friends may refuse, and may call you smelly,
But you will always have a place inside of my belly.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
#5 I Hate You Katy-Perry-Look-Alike
If I had a list of my top five pet peeves, Zooey Deschanel would be number two, right under people saying my name incorrectly. She's right above #3, which is people waving at the person directly behind you, so it looks like they're waving at you. When they walk over, you think they're going to say hello, but they walk right past like you didn't even wave.
Anyways.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL
Last night, I was pumped for Glee. My week had been horrible. I mean, truly horrible- so horrible in fact, that I don't feel comfortable sharing one or two of the reasons why on the the Internet. But Glee would be like a shining beacon of Tuesday light.
I got home at about 6:40 so I immediately checked the tv listings on my iPad. There was a bright banner around the FOX listings that said 9/8c. As in nine/eight central. As in, eight o'clock. Figuring I had time, I decided to take a nap until it was time. I woke back up at 7:45 and made myself a sandwich. By 7:58 I was sitting in front of the TV changing the channel manually, on click at a time.
Oh so slowly.
By the time I got to FOX, Zooey Deschanel was looking at me. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. And all I could think was:
.........glee? Where are you? Why aren't there dancing teenagers here? WHERE IS DARREN CRISS?
Zooey Deschanel's mouth started moving, and all I heard was, "Dead. I killed them all with my new hit comedy, New Girl. I just ruined your week. And you know what else? Your face is stupid. That's right. Stupid face."
I couldn't believe my eyes or ears.
1. I wouldn't be able to see the rerun until next Tuesday.
2. I just slept through Glee.
3. In reality, Zooey Deschanel is a total rhymes-with-witch.
Devastated, I returned to my bedroom. I went back to sleep and when I woke up it was 3:12 AM. I decided then would be a good time to finish my homework. I decided to go down stairs and check if Sidereel had any Glee episodes up yet. I go to the webpage and there are millions of links to the episodes. I was elated, over-joyed, ecstatic! Watching that episode was like coal being fed to the fiery burning passion in my heart for musical theater. I ended up staying on the Internet until it was time to get ready for school.
To say the least, my Tuesday night was redeemed. However, I can never trust Zooey Deschanel again.
Happy Birthday's Eve to Murrbeth!
Anyways.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL
Last night, I was pumped for Glee. My week had been horrible. I mean, truly horrible- so horrible in fact, that I don't feel comfortable sharing one or two of the reasons why on the the Internet. But Glee would be like a shining beacon of Tuesday light.
I got home at about 6:40 so I immediately checked the tv listings on my iPad. There was a bright banner around the FOX listings that said 9/8c. As in nine/eight central. As in, eight o'clock. Figuring I had time, I decided to take a nap until it was time. I woke back up at 7:45 and made myself a sandwich. By 7:58 I was sitting in front of the TV changing the channel manually, on click at a time.
Oh so slowly.
By the time I got to FOX, Zooey Deschanel was looking at me. Bright eyed and bushy tailed. And all I could think was:
.........glee? Where are you? Why aren't there dancing teenagers here? WHERE IS DARREN CRISS?
Zooey Deschanel's mouth started moving, and all I heard was, "Dead. I killed them all with my new hit comedy, New Girl. I just ruined your week. And you know what else? Your face is stupid. That's right. Stupid face."
I couldn't believe my eyes or ears.
1. I wouldn't be able to see the rerun until next Tuesday.
2. I just slept through Glee.
3. In reality, Zooey Deschanel is a total rhymes-with-witch.
Devastated, I returned to my bedroom. I went back to sleep and when I woke up it was 3:12 AM. I decided then would be a good time to finish my homework. I decided to go down stairs and check if Sidereel had any Glee episodes up yet. I go to the webpage and there are millions of links to the episodes. I was elated, over-joyed, ecstatic! Watching that episode was like coal being fed to the fiery burning passion in my heart for musical theater. I ended up staying on the Internet until it was time to get ready for school.
To say the least, my Tuesday night was redeemed. However, I can never trust Zooey Deschanel again.
Happy Birthday's Eve to Murrbeth!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
#4 What the heck is wrong with me?!
I originally was going to recap on my week, but I have something more important.
I have failed Computer Essentials.
No, you didn't read that incorrectly.
I HAVE FAILED COMPUTER ESSENTIALS.
I realized right when I got home this morning, I never took the Computer Essentials test. I know what you're thinking. "Niara, how could this happen? You had all week!" Nope. YOU had all week. I had an essay, homework, quizzes, three hours at the Rose theater every night being the light board operator. And then because of my new sleeping schedule, fell asleep at the latest of 10:30 every night. Not to mention Thursday night, which was my last night to get it done. Speaking of that, let's recap on Thursday.
As you may or may not know, Thursday was opening night for a play I was the light board operator for. Call was at six and it started at seven.
5:00 Hmm. I should probably get ready to leave.
5:15 All done! Better call daddy!
5:20 "You're where?!"
"I'm at the guitar center, in west Omaha."
5:40 He'll be here soon. He's gonna be here.
5:45 WHERE IS HE?
6:00 "How far are you from the house?"
"I'm making a transaction at the guitar center."
".......WHAT?"
"I told you I was at the guitar center"
"How long until you get here?"
"What do you mean?"
"An estimate. Give me an estimate."
"Well, after this I need to pick up Jalani"
"......."
"And your mother"
"......."
"Then she has to drop me off some where"
"......."
"Then she'll pick you up! But don't worry, you'll be there by 6:45."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*CLICK*
6:20 "Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"I'm going to be late."
"Tell that to your father."
"Tonight is opening night."
"What?"
"And what's with all the picking up and dropping of people?"
"What do you mean?"
I recap on the previous conversation.
My mother says, "That is not supposed to happen."
"Hmm."
6:35 Goes to voice mail five times. "When will you be here?"
"You're calling again?"
"Yes."
"Look I'll get there when I get there."
"But-"
*CLICK*
38 minutes later, I arrive at the Rose. This time the only reason I am able to get in is because someone was leaving Ferdinand the Bull. I run up to the fourth level to the Hitchcock theater and realize that I am in a SNAFU. If you don't know what the acronym for SNAFU means go here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SNAFU
I cannot get to the sound booth unless I walk directly into the scene. I was later told that there were only two to four people in the audience that night, but still. Principles. I've got 'em. So I walk outside to scream out some frustration. Once I have finished a few vigorous banshee impressions, I realized I have been locked out. I run to each door, rattling and kicking each one futilely. And here's the kicker:
It rains. Not enough for me to get soaked, but just enough to let you know that the sky thinks it's fun the piss on the little guy. The little guy who got locked out of what they'd been looking forward to all week. The little guy with no mode of transportation. The little guy with no shelter. The little guy who was sitting in a pile of cigarettes, pigeon feathers, and bird crap. The little guys who started to sob while sitting on that pile, that was conveniently placed in an empty parking lot.
At about 8:20 I decide to get up and write a note to the director. I folded it closed then wrote on one side:
PLEASE BRING 2 HITCHCOCK THEATER
On the other side:
TO MICHAEL MILLER
I spent a couple minutes pushing it through a door, and when it finally got through, someone opened the door for me. Rendering my note useless. I ran back up to the theater and told the director what had happened. He looked like he was trying not to laugh. I hated him a little bit right then. But then he gave me a cookie, so I cooled down a little. I called my Mom to pick me up. When I get into the car she asks:
"Why are you so wet and dirty?"
"Just take me home...."
I later found out that reason my dad thought it was okay if I was late to my supposed "dress rehearsal", was because of his own rehearsal with his jazz band.
Irony. Gotta love it right?
But, I digress. This is the reason I failed Computer essentials.
On a lighter note, Quinlan and I have decided that I am Lorelei Lamb and she is Lilian Lamb.
Also, I found out that Mrs. Harrison works at Hancock Fabrics.
I have failed Computer Essentials.
No, you didn't read that incorrectly.
I HAVE FAILED COMPUTER ESSENTIALS.
I realized right when I got home this morning, I never took the Computer Essentials test. I know what you're thinking. "Niara, how could this happen? You had all week!" Nope. YOU had all week. I had an essay, homework, quizzes, three hours at the Rose theater every night being the light board operator. And then because of my new sleeping schedule, fell asleep at the latest of 10:30 every night. Not to mention Thursday night, which was my last night to get it done. Speaking of that, let's recap on Thursday.
As you may or may not know, Thursday was opening night for a play I was the light board operator for. Call was at six and it started at seven.
5:00 Hmm. I should probably get ready to leave.
5:15 All done! Better call daddy!
5:20 "You're where?!"
"I'm at the guitar center, in west Omaha."
5:40 He'll be here soon. He's gonna be here.
5:45 WHERE IS HE?
6:00 "How far are you from the house?"
"I'm making a transaction at the guitar center."
".......WHAT?"
"I told you I was at the guitar center"
"How long until you get here?"
"What do you mean?"
"An estimate. Give me an estimate."
"Well, after this I need to pick up Jalani"
"......."
"And your mother"
"......."
"Then she has to drop me off some where"
"......."
"Then she'll pick you up! But don't worry, you'll be there by 6:45."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
*CLICK*
6:20 "Mommy?"
"Yes?"
"I'm going to be late."
"Tell that to your father."
"Tonight is opening night."
"What?"
"And what's with all the picking up and dropping of people?"
"What do you mean?"
I recap on the previous conversation.
My mother says, "That is not supposed to happen."
"Hmm."
6:35 Goes to voice mail five times. "When will you be here?"
"You're calling again?"
"Yes."
"Look I'll get there when I get there."
"But-"
*CLICK*
38 minutes later, I arrive at the Rose. This time the only reason I am able to get in is because someone was leaving Ferdinand the Bull. I run up to the fourth level to the Hitchcock theater and realize that I am in a SNAFU. If you don't know what the acronym for SNAFU means go here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SNAFU
I cannot get to the sound booth unless I walk directly into the scene. I was later told that there were only two to four people in the audience that night, but still. Principles. I've got 'em. So I walk outside to scream out some frustration. Once I have finished a few vigorous banshee impressions, I realized I have been locked out. I run to each door, rattling and kicking each one futilely. And here's the kicker:
It rains. Not enough for me to get soaked, but just enough to let you know that the sky thinks it's fun the piss on the little guy. The little guy who got locked out of what they'd been looking forward to all week. The little guy with no mode of transportation. The little guy with no shelter. The little guy who was sitting in a pile of cigarettes, pigeon feathers, and bird crap. The little guys who started to sob while sitting on that pile, that was conveniently placed in an empty parking lot.
At about 8:20 I decide to get up and write a note to the director. I folded it closed then wrote on one side:
PLEASE BRING 2 HITCHCOCK THEATER
On the other side:
TO MICHAEL MILLER
I spent a couple minutes pushing it through a door, and when it finally got through, someone opened the door for me. Rendering my note useless. I ran back up to the theater and told the director what had happened. He looked like he was trying not to laugh. I hated him a little bit right then. But then he gave me a cookie, so I cooled down a little. I called my Mom to pick me up. When I get into the car she asks:
"Why are you so wet and dirty?"
"Just take me home...."
I later found out that reason my dad thought it was okay if I was late to my supposed "dress rehearsal", was because of his own rehearsal with his jazz band.
Irony. Gotta love it right?
But, I digress. This is the reason I failed Computer essentials.
On a lighter note, Quinlan and I have decided that I am Lorelei Lamb and she is Lilian Lamb.
Also, I found out that Mrs. Harrison works at Hancock Fabrics.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
#3 Charllotte's Web Auditions
Yesterday, I auditioned for Charlotte's Web. Depending on who's reading, you may or may not know that I have some anxiety about these of things. My hands shake, my stomach turns, and I feel like I'm going vomit and crap myself at the same. Rest assured, this has never happened and I intend to keep it that way, but you can see where the problem lies. So I spent parts of my day thinking about auditions.
ADVISORY:
This is it. The day of auditions. Do or die. Or run the sound booth. Come on, Niara, buck up! You are a rock. You are soli- wait a minute. Where the heck did all the good muffins go? What is this thing, raisin, oats, and Splenda?
ALGEBRA:
I am not retaking this test. There is no way I'm retaking this dumb test. Well.....I might retake it. Just to see if it's easy. Unlike auditions.
CHEMISTRY:
"What happened to your head Jen?"
"Ow."
"Are you okay?"
"Ow."
"Do you need to go to the nurse?"
"This school doesn't have a nurse."
"Oh. Right."
"Ow."
(I later ended up accidentally stealing her iPad.)
STUDY HALL
You are my fiddle, I shall name you Reginald.
I just realized I didn't spend too much time thinking about it.
Skipping ahead, I auditioned with Mongo. We did the scene where Wilbur first meets Charlotte. I was a little apprehensive about doing the part at first, because Murrbeth had done it before, and made a much better Wilbur than I. Like if her Wilbur and my Wilbur got in a fight, my Wilbur would be on the whimpering before any sort of conflict had been started. Mongo was great, though. I think she'd make a perfect Charlotte. Baby Carrot auditioned with I Love George, and they were so HILARIOUS that they deserve all-caps.
But after most of the auditions, something glorious happened. John Byrne walked into the room. Everyone immediately fell to their knees and started bowing to their master, while screaming and crying tears of joy.
Not really, but the look on everyone's faces approximated to that. John Byrne? Pretty much a legend among legends, and the male version of Lil' Newton. There's even a Facebook group devoted to hugging John Byrne (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=188241739493) Y'know something funny? Even though everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, knows he's gay, every single girl in the room goes crazy when he's around. His sweat is magical, his sentences are lyrical, and it is impossible to dislike him. Try it. You'll either pass out or spontaneously combust.
Afterward, there was a girl, who was on the fence about trying out. I knew her quite well so I decided to help her throw the snake. "Just do it. Nike knows what they're talking about."
"What?"
"Just tryout, kid."
So I auditioned with her. TBecks looked unhappy when I said she wanted to practice first, but I felt like a lot like Troy Bolton, and it's not every day that you're the captain of the basketball team. The girl forgot some of her lines, and started to whisper to me about how she forgot her lines, and then I had go whisper back directions to her on what to do, but I think it turned out alright.
This morning, I realized on my own improv, the little lambs can clean with their backs and how a spider dances ballet.
But what's done is done. Good luck future auditioners, you have all my sympathy.
ADVISORY:
This is it. The day of auditions. Do or die. Or run the sound booth. Come on, Niara, buck up! You are a rock. You are soli- wait a minute. Where the heck did all the good muffins go? What is this thing, raisin, oats, and Splenda?
ALGEBRA:
I am not retaking this test. There is no way I'm retaking this dumb test. Well.....I might retake it. Just to see if it's easy. Unlike auditions.
CHEMISTRY:
"What happened to your head Jen?"
"Ow."
"Are you okay?"
"Ow."
"Do you need to go to the nurse?"
"This school doesn't have a nurse."
"Oh. Right."
"Ow."
(I later ended up accidentally stealing her iPad.)
STUDY HALL
You are my fiddle, I shall name you Reginald.
I just realized I didn't spend too much time thinking about it.
Skipping ahead, I auditioned with Mongo. We did the scene where Wilbur first meets Charlotte. I was a little apprehensive about doing the part at first, because Murrbeth had done it before, and made a much better Wilbur than I. Like if her Wilbur and my Wilbur got in a fight, my Wilbur would be on the whimpering before any sort of conflict had been started. Mongo was great, though. I think she'd make a perfect Charlotte. Baby Carrot auditioned with I Love George, and they were so HILARIOUS that they deserve all-caps.
But after most of the auditions, something glorious happened. John Byrne walked into the room. Everyone immediately fell to their knees and started bowing to their master, while screaming and crying tears of joy.
Not really, but the look on everyone's faces approximated to that. John Byrne? Pretty much a legend among legends, and the male version of Lil' Newton. There's even a Facebook group devoted to hugging John Byrne (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=188241739493) Y'know something funny? Even though everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, knows he's gay, every single girl in the room goes crazy when he's around. His sweat is magical, his sentences are lyrical, and it is impossible to dislike him. Try it. You'll either pass out or spontaneously combust.
Afterward, there was a girl, who was on the fence about trying out. I knew her quite well so I decided to help her throw the snake. "Just do it. Nike knows what they're talking about."
"What?"
"Just tryout, kid."
So I auditioned with her. TBecks looked unhappy when I said she wanted to practice first, but I felt like a lot like Troy Bolton, and it's not every day that you're the captain of the basketball team. The girl forgot some of her lines, and started to whisper to me about how she forgot her lines, and then I had go whisper back directions to her on what to do, but I think it turned out alright.
This morning, I realized on my own improv, the little lambs can clean with their backs and how a spider dances ballet.
But what's done is done. Good luck future auditioners, you have all my sympathy.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
#2 SWB Meets PWB
Today, Murrbeth ran toward me frantically telling me that I needed to see something.
"Well, let me pack up my things fir-"
"NO, COME WITH ME NOW!" And so I did. Because my school reeks of sweet, sweet (sometimes evil), serendipity, I did see something.
Oh, did I see something.
The Purple Water Bottle. Now let me back up a bit, since you don't know the story.
Once upon a time, there was a little curly haired freshman named S. Dubya B. S Dubya was walking down from Scripture, laughing and joking, with her good friend Mongolian Sweetheart like little curly haired freshmen tend to do. All of a sudden, a menacing force started to emanate from the staircase. S. Dubya could tell because her curls were tingling, the way they always did around pure evil. Now keep in mind folks, Dubya is a completely sane, normal, run of the mill kind of gal, but when she looked down into her hand she-
Well, she went insane.
Temporarily, thank the Lord, but insane she went. Dubya became hysterical! She sobbed and screamed, and worst of all, thoroughly confused Mongo.
"What's wrong?"
"It came out of nowhere- in my hand- stairs- bottle- PURPLE!"
It certainly was quite the ordeal. But Mongo, being the brightest of the bright, managed to make sense of Dubya's garbled sobs. Dubya was walking down the stairs when an evil purple water bottle appeared in her hand because of some sort ancient stairwell curse. As Mongo tried to help Dubya down the hall, people asked what was wrong with Dubya and she always gave them the same response:
"I don't know....."
A few months later, Mongo and Dubya went to the bathroom to get some water (AKA delicious life nectar as I like to call it). Sitting a top the fountain was none other than the hated, the despicable, the vile
PURPLE WATER BOTTLE.
I don't remember much after that, but I assume I gave it a round house kick to the face.
So readers, you may have guessed by now (or read my name), but I was little S. Dubya B. I know, so shocking that calm, cool, collected SWB would react like that to something. But at least now you know what I saw. Returning back to Murrbeth and I, we were standing in the Junior locker room, staring at the purple water bottle crouching like a tiger ready to pounce. As excited as she was, I'm not sure she understood the gravity of the situation. It was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER LOCKER. I simply said, "You're next," and walked away. I having a feeling my Bottle scare is over and someone else's is starting. Good luck, Murrbeth.
P.S. I know you sent me those used socks, PWB. You wore them one at a time, then put them in a brown paper bag.
"Well, let me pack up my things fir-"
"NO, COME WITH ME NOW!" And so I did. Because my school reeks of sweet, sweet (sometimes evil), serendipity, I did see something.
Oh, did I see something.
The Purple Water Bottle. Now let me back up a bit, since you don't know the story.
Once upon a time, there was a little curly haired freshman named S. Dubya B. S Dubya was walking down from Scripture, laughing and joking, with her good friend Mongolian Sweetheart like little curly haired freshmen tend to do. All of a sudden, a menacing force started to emanate from the staircase. S. Dubya could tell because her curls were tingling, the way they always did around pure evil. Now keep in mind folks, Dubya is a completely sane, normal, run of the mill kind of gal, but when she looked down into her hand she-
Well, she went insane.
Temporarily, thank the Lord, but insane she went. Dubya became hysterical! She sobbed and screamed, and worst of all, thoroughly confused Mongo.
"What's wrong?"
"It came out of nowhere- in my hand- stairs- bottle- PURPLE!"
It certainly was quite the ordeal. But Mongo, being the brightest of the bright, managed to make sense of Dubya's garbled sobs. Dubya was walking down the stairs when an evil purple water bottle appeared in her hand because of some sort ancient stairwell curse. As Mongo tried to help Dubya down the hall, people asked what was wrong with Dubya and she always gave them the same response:
"I don't know....."
A few months later, Mongo and Dubya went to the bathroom to get some water (AKA delicious life nectar as I like to call it). Sitting a top the fountain was none other than the hated, the despicable, the vile
PURPLE WATER BOTTLE.
I don't remember much after that, but I assume I gave it a round house kick to the face.
So readers, you may have guessed by now (or read my name), but I was little S. Dubya B. I know, so shocking that calm, cool, collected SWB would react like that to something. But at least now you know what I saw. Returning back to Murrbeth and I, we were standing in the Junior locker room, staring at the purple water bottle crouching like a tiger ready to pounce. As excited as she was, I'm not sure she understood the gravity of the situation. It was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER LOCKER. I simply said, "You're next," and walked away. I having a feeling my Bottle scare is over and someone else's is starting. Good luck, Murrbeth.
P.S. I know you sent me those used socks, PWB. You wore them one at a time, then put them in a brown paper bag.
#1 And so, "It" Began
"It" being this blog and I being the Suspicious Water Bottle that writes it. I have decided to start a blog. Creative outlets are always good for the mind and occasionally cause a chuckle or two. So, keep your eyes peeled for more!
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