#3 Charllotte's Web Auditions

Yesterday, I auditioned for Charlotte's Web. Depending on who's reading, you may or may not know that I have some anxiety about these of things. My hands shake, my stomach turns, and I feel like I'm going vomit and crap myself at the same. Rest assured, this has never happened and I intend to keep it that way, but you can see where the problem lies. So I spent parts of my day thinking about auditions.

ADVISORY:
This is it. The day of auditions. Do or die. Or run the sound booth. Come on, Niara, buck up! You are a rock. You are soli- wait a minute. Where the heck did all the good muffins go? What is this thing, raisin, oats, and Splenda?

ALGEBRA:
I am not retaking this test. There is no way I'm retaking this dumb test. Well.....I might retake it. Just to see if it's easy. Unlike auditions.

CHEMISTRY:
"What happened to your head Jen?"
"Ow."
"Are you okay?"
"Ow."
"Do you need to go to the nurse?"
"This school doesn't have a nurse."
"Oh. Right."
"Ow."
(I later ended up accidentally stealing her iPad.)

STUDY HALL
You are my fiddle, I shall name you Reginald.

I just realized I didn't spend too much time thinking about it.

Skipping ahead, I auditioned with Mongo. We did the scene where Wilbur first meets Charlotte. I was a little apprehensive about doing the part at first, because Murrbeth had done it before, and made a much better Wilbur than I. Like if her Wilbur and my Wilbur got in a fight, my Wilbur would be on the whimpering before any sort of conflict had been started. Mongo was great, though. I think she'd make a perfect Charlotte. Baby Carrot auditioned with I Love George, and they were so HILARIOUS that they deserve all-caps.

But after most of the auditions, something glorious happened. John Byrne walked into the room. Everyone immediately fell to their knees and started bowing to their master, while screaming and crying tears of joy.

Not really, but the look on everyone's faces approximated to that. John Byrne? Pretty much a legend among legends, and the male version of Lil' Newton. There's even a Facebook group devoted to hugging John Byrne (http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=188241739493) Y'know something funny? Even though everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, knows he's gay, every single girl in the room goes crazy when he's around. His sweat is magical, his sentences are lyrical, and it is impossible to dislike him. Try it. You'll either pass out or spontaneously combust.

Afterward, there was a girl, who was on the fence about trying out. I knew her quite well so I decided to help her throw the snake. "Just do it. Nike knows what they're talking about."
"What?"
"Just tryout, kid."
So I auditioned with her. TBecks looked unhappy when I said she wanted to practice first, but I felt like a lot like Troy Bolton, and it's not every day that you're the captain of the basketball team. The girl forgot some of her lines, and started to whisper to me about how she forgot her lines, and then I had go whisper back directions to her on what to do, but I think it turned out alright.

This morning, I realized on my own improv, the little lambs can clean with their backs and how a spider dances ballet.

But what's done is done. Good luck future auditioners, you have all my sympathy.