#36 Twerking

Ah, the art of the twerk. A long held tradition between the Afro-American peoples that eventually spread through that famous cultural diffusion, the Internet. Hailed by some as bizarre, hailed by others as sexy. The twerk is truly neither.

The twerk is an art and shall be treated as such. But what is the twerk? Is it a booty pop? A jiggle of the gluteus? A wave of the - dare I say it - ass? In truth, the twerk is all and none.

There is, however, a definition, in that most renowned lexicon, the Urban dictionary, that I find to be quite accurate:

Hip-hop dance move for females, shaking, Jerking, and twitching her buttocks in a provocative manner. A conjunction of twitch and jerk, or twerk.

SWB definition: a generally fast and/or involved booty dance.

You might now be asking yourself, "How exactly does one twerk? Can I twerk too?" And I say yes to that! Twerking is not only for the big of ass, but the big of heart!

Now, if you do decide to learn the art of the twerk, there are few things you need to know.

There is a long held misconception about twerking held by the small butt community. This misconception is that you need a large buttocks to be able to twerk. Well, I say nay to that! Everyone has the ability to twerk properly, even if your butt isn't Sir Mix-A-Lot approved.

Secondly, just waving your butt back and forth is not twerking. And yelling, "Look guys, I'm doing it!" to your friends does not make it twerking. And if all your friends join in and have a good time, I am still sad to say that that is not twerking.

Besides using your butt, there many other factors that go into successful twerking. Even though the butt is a muscle, you need to use other body parts to move it around.

Your feet: Twisting your right foot inward suddenly will make your whole leg shift to the right, and by extension, your butt. The same goes for your left foot.

Your hips: By shaking your hips back and forth very quickly you can achieve a twitching motion. Also, rolling your hips is an acceptable twerk move if done properly. If you do not know how to roll your hips, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WITH YOUR LIFE, and I will personally teach you how.

Proper twerk etiquette:

1. Do not twerk for your boyfriend and/or his friends because he says it will be "totally hot" and "you'll be the coolest" girl he's ever dated. It will be awkward, he will eventually break up with you, and that shit will be on YouTube by tomorrow.

2. Do not twerk just for the hell of it or wherever and whenever it strikes your fancy. There is an appropriate and inappropriate time to twerk. Twerking is not to be done in a church, in a daycare, at the dinner table, at brunch with grandma, in a classroom, in a cafeteria, with small children, or with your mother. Because that last one would just be weird.

3. Do twerk at dances. Do teach friends how to twerk. Do feel comfortable twerking at various speed and in various styles. Do twerk with friends. Do twerk in the Jarches. Do have fun with your new found talent.

Now that you know what you need to know about twerking, grab a friend, find a tutorial and start twerking!