#42 Feeling Everything and Nothing

I was going to right about how I was feeling, but hey- why not a poem?

How are you feeling today?

Well, there are good feels
And bad feels
And really, really strange feels

Big feels
small feels
And hardly ever noticed feels

There's confusion
And delusion
And far too much intrusion

There is happy
There is sad
There is burning raging mad

Feels like nervous
Feels intense
Feels like edge of seat suspense

I could be quiet
I could be cozy
I could be obnoxious and nosy

Feeling wanted
Feeling used
Feeling tried and abused

I have felt angry
I have felt old
I have felt bought, sold, controlled

I have felt electric
I have felt gay
I have felt like a new flower of May

Soon, I will be smooth
I will be ice
If I say once, I don't twice

Please melt me
Make me warm
Make these cold feels take form

Try again
With little time
To make me convivial and sublime

I want to love
I want to hate
I want my feels
To recreate my own idea of wellbeing.

One that is not "I don't feel like I'm drowning today."

Not "I can keep myself from falling apart one more day."

Not "I really want to see if tomorrow will be better."

I want it be happy
I want it to be whole
I want it to feel something like... A soul.


Context: I have been feeling really tired and confused lately. And I'm feeling so much, so often, that it feels like I'm feeling nothing at all. I feel a little soulless.

Happy Saturday, everybody!